If you're a woman, and you're unable to orgasm,
and you have photos of your family
a place you regularly like to have sex?
Move them. Seriously.
seems i've always got something on the tip of my tongue. ©
(I try to avoid dual postings in one day, but I have a backlog of posts, and I want something sexy up here. So, two postings. Make sure you check out this fun one about the all-sex diet from the weekend, and this one about moves from the bottom for vixens, and the vixens theme is what this posting is adding to the framework of.)
Hi, there. I’m Steff, and I’ll be your pilot.
What is it with condom wrappers? You have a couple-night stand and you find goddamned condom wrappers everywhere you look for weeks. A bit of hot pink here, a gold packet there... Little torn bits of that too stiff plastic that can be nothing else: Dirty sex! And god forbid it be an unpleasant experience. (Not that I'm familiar, but I've heard rumours.) Then they serve as a reminder -- of bad things. At least if you have carpets it wedges someplace, but I'm a hard wood girl. (You knew that much already, right?) It gives chase. (As do I.)
mm. this is what i needed, a friday night in, relaxing.
Hi there, you sexy thing.
(So, here's a thought: Great thing about "playing" in the winter -- when you wake up to find 12 or 15 love bites on your upperbody, you can throw on a sweater. I like making new friends. I had a nice night. Scrubbing with sugar followed by dusting with Honey Dust? It's gr-r-r-r-reat! As for the rest, for me to know. This post is from a couple days ago now.)
If anybody in the Vancouver, BC area has the gear for doing a podcast and doesn't mind helping me out via me coming over to hijack your digs, I'd love to start a weekly something up. Email me to discuss. Thanks.
I was showering after some housework (somethin' nice about gettin' real clean after being dirty) and thinking. I wrote a rant a bit ago on beauty products, and mentioned I use Aveeno baby shampoo and sugar to exfoliate. I just finished doing that, kinda all over, since I have a date later, and I realized I have this habit of always licking my lips after I do this on my face. See, the sugar leaves me tasting sweet.
Woman on Bottom bravely asked a few of those questions most women don’t ask because they’re too embarrassed. How does a woman, under her lover, get involved and change the pace of things when he’s thrusting away? And also, does a Vixen’s role change when it’s lovemaking as opposed to fucking, and vice versa?
There are few books I own that mean as much to me as The Soul of the World, "a modern book of hours," by Phil Cousineau and photographer Eric Lawton. From Lao-Tzu to Langston Hughes, the writings in this anthology really tap into some of the deeper recesses I know. The photography, god... makes me long for some other life, makes me know how much I'm missing. Still, I love it still, though it's sadly out of print.
"A white explorer in Africa, anxious to press ahead with his journey, paid his porters for a series of forced marches. But they, almost within reach of their destination, set down their bundles and refused to budge. No amount of extra payment would convince them otherwise.
They said they had to wait for their souls to catch up."
Bruce Chatwin, author & explorer (1940-1989)
Soon, my life will be completely different. Like, tomorrow. I'm cutting the net, flying solo without a harness, and taking a chance to quit my job and focus on a few things like writing and photography for a bit. I guess I'm putting my money where my mouth is and living the unexpected life I try to urge others to do. I'll tell you about that down the road, but for now, I'm still internalizing.
"32 cm cock casts shadow across the room. All you see is shadow. Long, rigid, erect-cock-type shadows. Condoms creep out of the storm drain. They whimper and snigger and giggle, bouncing happily, until some sort of Gremlin-esque scenario (the smell of natural cock?) turns them into Killer Condoms, and they roar and flash their teeth, gnashing angrily at the erect member!"Which would be notes about either two things, one, a conservative think-tank plan to cut down on promiscuity, or, as the case happens to be, two, this horrible German shocker-thriller movie in the ilk of the Killer Tomatoes and the Killer Bees, rather originally called "The Killer Condom," which I bought six years ago for my buddy GayBoy. The slogan? "The rubber that rubs you out!" One night of drinking and debauchery and nothing to do but stargaze from his roof on an autumn night, we put the stupid disc in and watched it. I kept laughing so hard I'd occasionally spray beer. Oh, was it bad. (There's a segment where a drag queen, for instance, lipsyncs "Killing Me Softly" in a sexy fuck-me-now kind of way, except for the fact that it's the ugliest frickin' DQ ever, with the syncing being more than one second off-time with the the actual lyrics. Yo, can we get a dubber in the house! This movie's got worse sound-sync than the Asian martial arts movies of the 1970s, man.)
Do you ever have those moments when clarity comes up behind you with a baseball bat and beats the hell out of you?
Creativity's an organic process; I know what I want to write for y'all, but I can't help it if something flicks the switch and something else comes out. This morning, I was sweeping the kitchen, dancing around, listening to cheesy '80s music, when this posting occurred to me. Remembering some of this fodder made me laugh out loud, and I've still got a grin on my face. So, hopefully you find the diversion fun. I'll deliver on the Vixen thing.
Do you like it when I use those dirty words? All those verbs, and always, always me? Or do you like it better when I whisper lewd things I could be doing to you when we’re in a crowded place? Is it the willingness to do all those inappropriate things in all the wrong places? Or maybe it’s that eagerness to try new things? What about that list I’m keeping of all the things we’ve tried together? In writing, in order, you like that, don’t you? My attention to detail? The ever-increasing imagination?
This day, the 15th, is one of my least favourite days of the year for private reasons. I fucking hate it. So, I got to thinking last night as I smoked a joint and continued to write, and this is the rambling ode I had about being single on Valentine's day, and I dedicate it to all those who rolled out of bed alone today and didn't feel badly about it.
Sigh, I wasn't going to post anything here today, but it's Valentine's day and I feel like I have to. Please, check out the wonderful guest posts I've had in the last two weeks:
I bet Isaac Newton was the bomb in bed. I bet he was sitting under that tree, fantasizing about hiking up Mathilda’s knickers the night before when that apple came toppling down out of that tree.
So... the chick is on bottom, the dude is on top and they're having sex. He's thrusting like nobody's business. The age-old question remains: what is she supposed to be doing? Scratching his back? Moaning? Wrapping her legs around him? Rocking against him? Talking dirty to him?
How does she avoid this whole "dead fish" syndrome guys always complain about? What skills should she posess? And, is there a difference in the "woman on bottom"'s job from fucking to lovemaking?
Figleaf was kind enough to look over all the questions posed by women in regards to male masturbation of late, and compiled a hefty response for y'all.
A: So first of all I’d like to say cool, you didn’t jump him when you caught him (neither jumping all over him for doing it, nor jumping his bones.) Real masturbation is a personal act.
J.P. Donaleavy, author of The Unexpurgated Code, a tongue-in-cheek book of etiquette for English social climbers, recommended that upon encountering someone masturbating you should say “I see you’re in good hands” and withdraw. It’s actually the best advice there is. Now I did say that real masturbation is always a personal act. If that were the end of it I probably wouldn’t have started writing this at all. Read on.
You say watching masturbation doesn’t really turn you on or off. That’s actually pretty cool because unless you’re the one masturbating it’s really none of your business. :-) There’s also masturbation for two and that’s a whole ‘nother topic.
Watching someone masturbate *for* you can be pretty exciting. Exciting for them because they’re doing it for you. Exciting for you because they’re doing it for you. If they’re shy there’s the excitement of seducing them into doing something you know will give them pleasure. If you’re shy there’s the excitement of safely crossing a few boundaries. If you’re not even a little bit curious there’s still the excitement of learning how *they* touch themselves so you can do it yourself next time.
If they’re reluctant there’s even the possibility of excitement that comes from saying “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours.” If you’re adventurous there’s the possibility that it’s just another form of foreplay that can lead to one of you throwing him or herself on the other and fucking their brains out. If you’re into dares, suspense, and delayed gratification there’s the excitement of playing chicken – of seeing if one of you will crack and jump the other’s bones before one of you comes. If you’re polite there’s even the excitement of watching each other get closer and closer and saying “after you...” “no, after you” “oh no, I insist” which of course can prolong the moment till both your eyes are rolling.
Heck, even if you’re just lazy there’s the excitement of knowing they’re doing most of the work! :-)
The bottom line, though, is that while real masturbation is always a neutral (to a spectator) personal act it can become charged when you invite yourself into it. It’s surprising how that personal act, even one you might find personally distasteful under other circumstances, becomes a mutual act that can be every bit as intimate and erotic and fulfilling as the closest, deepest coupling.
Q: I've met a man who doesn't like to masturbate, and I'm dead curious to hear opinion on that. I'm sure he's not the first and won't be the last, but I'm very sorry I may never have the pleasure of watching him do the deed...or giving him a hand.....
A: There’s an old joke that 99% of men masturbate and the other 1% are liars. It’s not really true. More of us enjoy masturbating than care to admit it, but just as there are plenty of women who for one reason or another don’t masturbate, there are also plenty of of men who don’t either. (Figures vary but it could be as high as 20%.) If your partner is one of those then you might have your work cut out for you.
Another group of men feel that masturbation is sort of a second choice or a substitute for sex and so they’re going to feel a little reluctant to give up an “opportunity” to play in order to rehearse some more.
Finally, most of us are pretty shy about admitting we masturbate. There’s the usual conditioning against touching yourself, with overtones of “If I admit I do it you’ll imagine I don’t think you’re satisfying me.” Something else to keep in mind is the conditioning we get early on that being seen masturbating is perverted because of the perverts who sit jacking off in their cars near playgrounds and such.
Yes, it’s sort of silly, but so’s imagining you’re not every bit as sexy in dumpy sweatpants as in lingerie.
Two things to try, one theoretical, the other very pragmatic.
Theory: Remind him that no matter what kind of delicious, arousing, eye-popping, or otherwise remarkable sex is depicted in industrial porn, 99.999% of male actors eventually stop doing that, pull out, and masturbate till they ejaculate because... well, I’m not sure why they do, but they all do it. So if porn stars can do it, you might suggest, then so can he.
Pragmatics: Tell him you’re going to masturbate for him. Ask him to watch but not touch. When he’s pretty far along suggest it would really, really turn you on even more if he’d touch himself too.
One of those should work if he’s one of the 80-85% or men who know how to and enjoy masturbating. If he’s one of the others, well, you can ask him to practice, or you can *help* him practice, but I can’t promise it’ll work. Sometimes when we say we don’t like to masturbate we’re actually telling the truth. :-)
Q: I'd like to know the kind of things that make it feel good - is it better with lube or spit, or just with the hand? Does the pressure of the hand make much of a difference? For those with foreskins, does tugging that down over the head feel pleasurable in and of itself?
Does any of it weird you out? Why? I love watching men masturbate - I find it quite delightful seeing how they take care of themselves, and noticing their overall reaction. It's harder to pay attention when my mouth's at play!
What's your reaction to it? Do you find it hot, or not? Why or why not? It turns me on, watching one of my partners masturbate. I find it less impacting watching it in porn, but still interesting.
Have you had any negative experiences with it? What's your reaction to finding a lover doing it when he thought you were asleep / not around? Only the one. With a previous partner, I woke up one night to find him standing at the side of the bed and masturbating over me. That disturbed me at the time, and disturbs me now. Interestingly, I have no problem with my current partner jacking off while I'm asleep, and he has no problem with me doing the same. So I think that was a personality issue rather than an action issue.
Closing opinion: watching men masturbate is a) hot, and b) gives me pointers to add to my own skill-set. I don't think I'm ever going to be able to move my hand as fast, though!
A: This is really good to hear, you know. Another thing men are raised to believe (and a lot of women for that matter) is that women don’t like to watch. I think it’s more correct to say women don’t like to feel uncomfortably or involuntarily out of control, as you did when you woke to find your partner masturbating over you, or as others do when an aggressive man exposes himself and expects you to be turned on. Nice guys may take that a little too far and not be comfortable showing you anything at all. If you can convince him you’re comfortable with him doing it (it might take some convincing) and if he understands that you want to watch and learn so you can do it to him too, he may eventually grow more comfortable with the idea. (Repeated Hint: ask him if it would turn him on to watch you.)
As for technique, I don’t know what to say. I don’t have direct experience with other men but based on the ways my own partners have confidently but not always successfully taken me in hand I get the impression different men like different strokes in different places. But that’s just another argument for asking your partners to show you. The one other generality I can add is: Men tend to like way, way more pressure than women do. I think this has a lot to do with why women think we touch too hard and men think women touch too gently.
Thanks for the contribution to this series, Fig. Much appreciated.
As for the reader with concerns she might never stroke fast enough, well, I'd focus on the details you can master -- firmness of grip, length and placement of stroke, that sort of thing, and master those. A good long stroke, teasing the balls, all these things could probably compensate nicely for the lack of speed (which some guys say can be a really nice change of pace, literally, anyhow). What do you think, Fig, readers?
Oh, and please notice the fabulous specimen touching himself in the photo? He's playing with his testicles. Don't forget to make friends with the boys -- gently. Just playing with a guy's balls can do some pretty incredible things to his desire. Just be gentle, that's all. A little kiss here, a little stroke there...