Gripping Craig's List ad of the day:

Find your Bulgarian soulmate and discover Bulgaria with Velida Agency! Bulgarian singles ladies! Free 7 days trial!

I mean, the ladies come with a seven-day trial? I believe in customer satisfaction, lord knows I do, but that's really just too much work. Wouldn't 25 minutes suffice? And, dear god, some of the people on that site are just not the kind of people I'd be paying money for the privilege to meet. You hear what I'm saying? Five-finger discount.