seems i've always got something on the tip of my tongue.    ©

Friday, August 18, 2006

Willing the Way to Happiness

I woke up in a shit mood again. That's hard, when you roll out of bed and it might as well be night 'cos you're feeling so dark, you know? BUT.

I sat on my couch, feeling like a loser, looking at the filthy table, seeing my flaked-off toenail polish, and just felt myself sinking further into loserville. THEN.

"Fuck THIS," I thought. "And fuck THAT." I jumped up, lit a fire under my ass, cleaned all my dishes, swept my floor, showered, and did my toenails. Suddenly, the day's looking better.

Depression is often associated with the feeling of being overwhelmed, and although I long ago learned you overcome it with accomplishment, I'm now starting to force myself to be motivated, even though I feel nothing of the kind. I feel better now, and it's friday, and if I can make my day at work an accomplished one, that's one more thing to build toward. If this really is a mind-over-matter situation, then sooner or later I'll be the victor. Patience has never been a strong suit. Determination, however, has.