Putting My Foot Down On You, Dr. Scholl

I'm interviewing at an ad agency or two tomorrow. No, I won't be doing any of the ad copy work or anything, more of a save-the-sanity support office worker, since I excel at that. But advertising is something I've always been very, very interested in.

Remember the movie Crazy People, from years back? Daryll Hannah and Dudley Moore? "Jaguar: For men who like handjobs from beautiful women." Or, "Volvo: They're boxy, but they're safe."

It was a comedy about truth in advertising that emerges when an ad-copy writer has a breakdown and is sent to an insane asylum. He decides to stop lying to the public and tells the truth. He enlists the help of his fellow nuthausers and they reinvent advertising. (My favourite was the Sony one, where the shortness of Japanese assembly-line folks meant better quality control as they were hovered closer to the microchip boards than the tall, gangly American counterparts who were so tall they couldn't see the fine melds and such. Heh.)

Every year, I go and I see the film of The World's Best Commercials for that year. I love good advertising.

But I fucking hate bad ads.

Case in point: Dr. Scholl's for Her. There's this new open-toe gel shoe pad made for stilettos and the like, by Dr. Scholl's. For some fucking reason, there's this chick in a skin-tight micro tube dress, wearing strapless stilettos (that magically stay on) as her legs dangle off one side of a bareback horse, and she lies back over the hump of this horse, prostrated.

Because I do that in my stilettos every fucking day. And other things I do in my stiletto, apparently, include walking my dog on a reinforcing dike in the ocean, playing tennis, and more.

Who the fuck is this ad for? Who's the guy smoking crack who seems to think THIS is what's gonna sell these shoe pads to a woman?

How about having a real situation? Oh, I don't know... maybe an intelligent woman with spring in her step as she delivers a brilliant closing statement in a law court case? Maybe you have a group of men, all sweating and nervous, desperately awaiting a job interview in a crowded, awkward office, as this sexy chick who holds all their fates in her hands strides towards them, with a I-Own-Your-Ass, And-You-Know-You-Want-Mine look on her face?

I'm surprised they didn't just get to the point and have some chick in clear pumps spinning her way down a pole, since apparently we're all just whores who use our bodies for advancement in life.

How about we move the fuck away from more of this objectifying, lame-ass look at chicks today, and into the realm where women really are becoming powerbrokers? Remember, sexy and smart don't have to be oil and water.

They're only oil and water because the media doesn't want us to forget that it's our asses that count, not the grey matter in our heads.

I, for one, will never, ever buy another Dr. Scholl's product. This ad pisses me off THAT much. I'm sick and tired of seeing women whose bodies you can bounce quarters of, with brains the size of the quarter, as being the ideal that I'm supposed to somehow strive for.

My ass is copious. As is my intellect. How about selling to me, you assholes?

(If you're looking for an update on my employment woes, I've been keeping that shit over on the other blog. It's been one hell of a week for me, emotionally, and keeping it together's one of the hardest challenges I've ever faced. I'm scared as hell, but I'm proud as hell of how I've been dealing. I'll be glad when it's over. I hope that's soon. I've earned the reprieve. If I know anything, I know that.)